You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
