sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
