Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
