that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
