I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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