I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
