Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
