i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
