I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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