You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
