Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
