In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
