Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
