i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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