I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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