i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
