Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My vagina is officially offended.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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