Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize