so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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