I wish my penis had an off switch
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
