at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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