cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize