is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
