yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
