At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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