Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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