I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
