we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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