If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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