thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Randomize
