Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
