i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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