Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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