Jerry, you need to find god
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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