Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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