Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
