Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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