The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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