Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
