I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
