You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
