people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
