i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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