porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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