if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
