Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
