Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
