dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
