Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My vagina just recognized that song.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
