dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
