i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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