i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
