Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
