Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize