Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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