I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
