Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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