dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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