I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
