The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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