I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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