Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
