Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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