Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
