He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
