you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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