Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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