for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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