No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize