I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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