first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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