Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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