You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
