just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize