I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
