Taylor Swift is so right about you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
