Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
