Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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