Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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