Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
