My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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