Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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