I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
