I puked a lego.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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