Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
