I wish i was in the wii world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
